I hate starting off the week with anything less than an enthusiastic "HOLLER!" But the last few days were rough.They were weird, too weird, unfair and sad and confusing.
I was having the best week last week ya know and then...
life- full circle, balance, the good isn't as good without the bad to compare it to right? Well, sometimes you forget that it goes both ways. I do. And sometimes with the little things comes and an extra strong dose of reality.
Wednesday afternoon I was driving a car full of kitties to one of our adoption centers - to obviously get adopted and have the best lives with people who would love them and take care of them and make sure they were happy forever, but on the way one of the sweetest, seemingly healthy, normal cats started getting sick and he died - he just died, in a crate in the car with me. He died while I was pulling off the highway to try to save him. I didn't know what to do. I pulled onto a road in an industrial part of town and I grabbed him out of his crate, put him on a towel on the front seat and tried to sweep his mouth but it was too late. I couldn't get it together. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I finally drove back to work, with him on the seat next to me because I couldn't bear to stick him back in that crate. And then I went home.The whole thing was surreal. It's not anything I was prepared for.
They think it was a heart attack. Whatever it was it fucking sucked and isn't something I ever imagined would or could happen and it's definitely not something I can handle witnessing again. And that's the worst - the only bad thing about animals - you can't ever be sure if they know that you really, really love them or that you're trying to help them and that it destroys you when you can't.
Maybe some of you will read this and think it's silly or stupid or just can't relate but fuck man, this is the stuff that breaks my heart.