Monday, October 20, 2014

2 Carrie's & more goodbyes

So much has changed since I last posted... if you're following me on Instie or we're FB friends you've seen the pictures (and you're probably super confused.) Lets see if I can explain. 
[First let me preface my explanation with this:
Before I went to South Africa last September there was just one me, the Carrie that wanted to live a fast life in a big city with all of the conveniences, surrounded by people doin their own thangs, being a boss, being a Boss Lady to be exact. That's how I imagined life would be and that's exactly what I was gunning for in New York buuuut... since South Africa there are two Carrie's, the one I just described and one that needs to travel and meet people and see things and live simply. That Carrie is happy if she's making more memories than money. That Carrie is obsessed with not wasting a moment - not wanting to die wishing she'd done more with all the time she had when she was young and healthy. That Carrie started to show herself more than the first.]
But ok, lemme tell you about New York. 
So, after my last post I kept meeting all kinds of really awesome people. I was getting the hang of things, had some really cool potential opportunities, and the nights - shit. The nights in New York are amazing. You really can't beat em. Whether it was bike rides through Williamsburg, dinners on the Lower East Side, wandering around Dumbo and SoHo, going to an art show at an urban garden in Queens, walking over the Brooklyn Bridge or finding myself in Chinatown...
 I was having a blast and I never had to venture far to find friends. I spent a lot of time at Skytown, the cute little bar across the street from my apartment. It quickly became my second home and the magical spot where all of these new wonderful people came into my life, people who had a lot to say, think and do, people passing through, people just like me, people who'd been in my shoes and only wanted me to stay and be happy and make it work. 
Those people absolutely made my nights and I love them for it but see, the magic kind of disappears when the sun starts coming up. The days were rough. My days were the hardest. When everyone else in the city was at work or sleeping off their night before I was in a cramped little apartment looking for jobs, nursing an insane amount of blisters and watching every documentary on Netflix imaginable. And then shit happened.  
It's no secret that I'd left Arizona with a lot of things up in the air - unfinished business if you will and suddenly I couldn't avoid it any longer. I was conflicted and confused. Add that to a growing list of daily frustrations (99% humidity is a killer especially when you're waiting for the train or a car, especially when you're in a hurry, especially when you're lost and it's raining and especially when you're trying to look professional because you're going to a job interview, having to dodge heroin zombies, crackheads and weirdos when you just want to get a cup of coffee, getting screamed at by homeless people when you're minding your own business, fighting over push carts in the laundry mat, having to walk four blocks to get cold medicine and/or tampons when all you want to do is stay inside and die.) It all just got to be too much so I freaked out and booked a flight home. 

My fifth and last week in New York also happened to be the week of my birthday and I treated it accordingly. Every night was a late one - the bars close at 4am. I'd stay out until 5 or 6 or 8...  
I celebrated with everyone - Andy & Shawn, the Skytown Crew (Sam, Sam, Collin, Summer, Shantel, Kevin, Kevin, Laura, Donnie & Max) the French guy & Garth, an Ohio pair, Ari & a pack of strangers. I was gifted with the annual cookie cake, flowers, dinners, lunches, adventures, cheers & SO MANY hugs! I had a time - I'm telling you, it was a birthday week I'll never forget and the perfect way to disguise a hesitant goodbye. 
Annnnnd by the time I got back to Phoenix I had a pretty severe case of Strep Throat accompanied by Scarlet Fever. SCARLET FEVER! What year is it?! I thought that shit disappeared in the middle ages but nope, it's still alive & kickin... it was kickin all over my body. Balance y'all. :/ 

So that's the New York part of my story.  Did I give up too soon? Maybe. Did I do it all wrong? Probably. Was I as prepared as I thought I was? Meh, who knows? Do I regret my time there? Not at all. Am I certain that New York isn't the place for me? Yeah I'm pretty certain. 
But wait! I said it was just the New York part of the story. I was only in Phoenix for a week before I left again... California was calling...  I'll tell you about that adventure later. 
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Sunday, September 7, 2014

well that escalated quickly

Week 2.5 down and it's been... real. 

Actually it's been a pain in the ass and not fun or good or special. I mean shit, good stuff happened but nothing that didn't come without a little dig from the Universe like ummm... 

+I made some new friends 
- I also lost one somehow. Don't ask, I have zero idea what happened or why.

+I went out a lot. 
-"Out" mostly consisted of wandering aimlessly on my own, hanging out at a cozy little spot across the street, ahem, on my own and getting coffee multiple times a day from the Dunkin on the corner, on my own. (Ok a few nights I eventually met up with my new friends but still.) 

+I had two interviews 
-  #1 I walked out of before it even began because I walked in and realized there was some trickery happening. I don't appreciate trickery and have no tolerance for it. 
+#2 went SO WELL!!! Like SO SO WELL! Me & the chick were BFFs for real. 
- Or so I thought. I got an email yesterday telling me they wouldn't be moving forward with my candidacy for the position.  Lame.  

Annnd the cherry on top? 
- I dropped my super expensive flat iron and watched the plates shatter into a zillion pieces right before my eyes. 
- The humidity is 79% 

So yeah, New York isn't the most amazing place in my head or heart right now but I'm not giving up yet. 
I keep hearing that it's almost unheard of to get one let alone two job interviews within their first month here, that I WILL fall (back) in love with NYC eventually, that once I get my own apartment and a job my life is going to be THE most amazing, blah blah blah. So no, I'm not giving up... yet. 
But if I do... 
I always have a trick up at least one of my sleeves. This trick involves me, a farm and/or orchard and/or vineyard, living partially or wholly off-the-grid in Southern California, Colorado, Wyoming or some other random spot.  

Me! A gypsy farmer. Just picture it! 

My birthday is in 12 days. Whatever. 
I'm going to post a birthday wish list tomorrow and I expect some good gifts because I had a rough week. Cool? Cool. Thanks. 

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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Week 1 Down

Officially one week in New York but am I officially a New Yorker? Nah, course not. Truth be told, it still feels like I'm just visiting. It's to be expected I guess, at least until I find a job and that's one thing I have made little progress with. I've looked, I've applied, I've kept my fingers crossed and uhh I'm waiting. Whatever. It's not like I'm missing any opportunities in Arizona. And I'm not just here for a job anyway. I'm here to figure out my life shit. I'm here to make moves and become a lion wolf hybrid. 

Though things are quiet on the job front they are puh-ritty exciting on the social front. 
Lemme tell you how week #1 has been. (Lets get this out of the way before anyone starts accusing me of F'ing around. I've been looking and applying for jobs every day. I AM being responsible, no need to repeat it multiple times.) 

My flight Tuesday was supposed to come in at 8pm but I fell asleep before takeoff and suddenly it's 2 hours later, we're still on the tarmac and the pilot is announcing we'll be there at 10:30. Huh? I dunno. We landed at 10:45 and by the time I got my luggage and we got to Andy's my our apartment in Bushwick it was midnight. Shawn came over anyway and the 3 of us wandered around Brooklyn, eventually stopping for waffles at a diner in Williamsburg. Waffles will be the death of me here. 

Wednesday I made my way back to Williamsburg to see Shawn's bike shop, King Kog. He treated me to dinner at Best Pizza and we ran wild through the streets afterward. By "run wild" I mean I limped while he sauntered over to the Williamsburg Piers. We sat by the water and played catch up. Due to the bazillion blisters I had we stopped by the shop on the way home and he rode me back to the apartment on his handle bars. True story. 

Thursday I woke up early to meet one of Andy's super connected friends for coffee at St. Balmain. Later I headed into the city to shop and get lost and hang out and explore. After a few hours of wandering I found Union Square and watched the break dancers and snake charmers (seriously) until Andy got off work. We ate vegan chicken and waffles at Champs and walked back to the apartment in the rain. 

Friday was a lot of laying around until we decided to hit up Cheeky for late breakfast/early lunch and then to BabyCakes for vegan donuts. HEY! Stop judging me! The food's too good and too vegan to ignore! I only have like 20 more restaurants to get out of my system before I start eating like a normal human being again. 

That night we met up with my friend Nathaniel on the Lower East Side for his Dolphin Rape Cave photo shoot. We started at Idle Hands and moved on to Iggy's. I wish I could show you more pictures but that's his thing and I don't want to spoil it. I'll just say this - 3 drunk dudes in full dolphin costumes hitting on NY party girls for the sake of art. It was as ridiculous and hilarious as you'd expect. Maybe more so.
Also, maybe I'm an a-hole for saying this, it's too soon to tell since I don't know my place yet but I really like the L.E.S. Besides the dolphins and Nathaniel's babetastic GF I ONLY met people with accents; 2 Canadians, a Brit, 2 Irish chicks and an Australian. 
Despite hating bars and people Andy was a sport and stayed out long enough for me to make friends and have so much fun! Then we walked to St. Mark's for dollar slices and called it a night. Buuut not before I made MORE friends on the train! Woop. Jeremiah and James, Jax, Jackson, Jude, Jonas, Jack? Something like that. (HELLLLOOOO JONATHON! that's for you Mel.) 

Saturday I got a pedi and then took the lonely journey to Long Beach to meet up with Kristian and his friends. After lots of food and bars and antics (I entered and lost a beer stein holding contest) we went back to his house and I got to sleep in a fabulous bed for the first time in days. (My bed at the apartment is a futon on the floor and while I'm super appreciative of it and thankful that I at least have that, sleeping in a real bed is going to be exciting and amazing until I have my own again.) 
I was supposed to beach it in Long Island with Kristian for the whole day Sunday but after breakfast  some stuff came up and I needed to go back to Brooklyn. 
Later that night I met up with Shawn, he gave me an awesome loaner bike and we rode to Sweet Chick for dinner- veggie chicken and waffles (see! the death of me!) 

That brings us to Monday & Monday I did nothing except laundry, nap, job hunt and read. Not a bad way to spend a Monday if you ask me. 

Hopefully this week I have some luck finding a J.O.B. or I may start to freak out... unless I can bury the part of me that's prone to freaking out for a little longer and just keep enjoying the ride. I'm having a lot of fun so far! 

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Monday, August 18, 2014

Time for goodbyes...

Tomorrow I'll be in New York, Brooklyn if you want specifics, my new home to be exact. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just as scared as I am excited. Arizona's been home for almost 6 and a half years. A lot has happened here but so much hasn't happened, the kind of stuff I know I'm meant for. 

I never intended to be here this long but leaving places has never been easy for me, even when staying was the last thing I wanted. Time goes by fast & the older you get the faster it goes. It seems like last week I was 18 and yesterday I graduated college. Suddenly I'm an adult. Suddenly I'm closer to 40 than I am to 20. Suddenly it's 6 years later and still, here I am. 
But today, for real - I'm packing my bags and preparing to leave everyone and everything, all of my worldly possessions (that won't fit into 3 suitcases) because suddenly I'm more afraid of wasting time than I am to do whatever it takes to get everything I want. 

I don't know what's going to happen... I don't know what to expect. I do know that it's not going to be easy. I know that I'm going to have to bust my ass. I know that I have SO much support and that my best, best is giving up his couch and what little extra space he has in his studio apartment until I find a job. I know that I'm going to miss my friends and family here in Arizona like crazy. I know that if I don't do this now I may never do it and more than anything, that "What if's" are best when you treat them like "Why not's" 

Au revoir Arizona!
Thanks for the memories! 
I'll see you again, hopefully later than sooner. 
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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

with some small time away

Never Gonna Change by BROODS on Grooveshark
I'm back in Arizona annnnd it's exactly the same as I left it. I don't know why I ever expect to come home to something different, whether I leave for 2 days, a week or a month... but I do and guess what? It's always the same. Actually it's not that I expect anything to be different as much as I hope my feelings will change. But they don't. Didn't? Whatever. I'm here. For now. 
My visit was... great and not so great, more good than bad definitely. I met some interesting people, got to see some that I've been missing and hung out with a few whom I couldn't have foreseen spending time with at all. It's always the people that make a trip isn't it? 

The highlights of the last week go like this: 

Running into old friends at the Sinking Ship 
Conversations with strangers at the Alley Cat 
Late night patio hangs at Sabbatical
Downtown catch ups 
Almost beating McG at mini golf 
Eating at my favorite restaurant EVER (twice) La Piedad
Vegan sloppy joe on the patio of the Broad Ripple Brew Pub 
Laying in the grass for hours alone
Seeing my favorite family 
Pink sunsets, 70 degrees, hoodies & jeans 
Riding in a police car TWICE (totally did NOT get arrested) 
Being closer (in time & distance) to my loves in Chicago & New York 
And of course the time spent with Craig, Becky, Mike, Nate, Scott, Dave & Kyle 
(The people responsible for making my trip better than I imagined it would be.)

and though you are of that swirling earth below, 
for these few moments you float 
with some small time away 
from the matters you're going to, 
the places you left behind...

I guess it's back to real life... 

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Mid West is calling

By the time you read this I'll be on a plane. I haven't been home in 3 years which is weird and what's even more weird is that I just called it "home." Habit I guess. It's no more home than Phoenix is, not anymore. Home is a time not a place. Right? Right. I have to go finish start packing now. Shit. 

The power of youth is on my mind,
Sunsets, small town, I'm out of time.
Will you still love me when I shine,
From words but not from beauty?

My father's love was always strong,
My mother's glamour lives on and on,
Yet still inside I felt alone,
For reasons unknown to me.

But if you send for me you know I'll come,
And if you call for me you know I'll run.
I'll run to you, I'll run to you, I'll run, run, run.
I'll come to you, I'll come to you, I'll come, come, come.

Au revoir, à demain!
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Monday, July 21, 2014

#SOF214 aka #SummerTimeRadness

So, ya know how yesterday I said that summer is happening in a big way? Well I meant it. I've been running around like a maniac every weekend since the beginning of May (literally EVERY weekend) which for a long time just wasn't my thing but I'm loving it and I'm good at it. I'd forgotten how good at it I really am. I'd also forgotten that the best part of being wild and free are new friends, new ideas, new inspiration and a whole lotta motivation.  
When I started yesterday's post (months ago) I was in the process of figuring out how I would fit in Thailand, South Africa, Mexico, Vegas and Vermont all before the end of the year  buuuuuut shit happened and now I'm going to New York instead. I know you might be thinking 
"Wait, WHAT? Did you just admit to willingly trading adventures in far away lands for... New York City?" 
Yeah I did. See, I'm trying this new thing called "Looking at The Bigger Picture" where I focus on permanence vs temporary, as far as my happiness and the future are concerned. I could explain I guess but if you haven't noticed I'm not a fan of giving away too much too soon. Saying shit out loud is one thing but putting it in writing is only tempting fate and I'm way, way too set on my plans to jinx them. Plus, it would just be inviting a lot of questions that I'm not ready or able to answer yet. 
What I will say is this, I'm leaving soon and I'll be gone for awhile. Possibly AlongWHILE. 
That's actually not the point of this post though. The point is summer. Yay SUMMER. 
Here are some of my favorite days & nights so far. 

The kids welcomed me home from S.A.

& then I left again... 
 Road Trip to L.A. with The Iris

Girl Dates


The mornings after...

Big Fish Creative's Open House 

 Memorial Day 

 my first Murder Mystery 

L.A. again... with Mel this time 

& that's all I got so far. 
Summer's not even close to being over though... 

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